I haven't prayed as much as I should in recent months but I have prime opportunity to think about my job on my way to my job - on the bus, which is sometimes for an hour. I pray and I think about the people that are in the community and I say, "God, what is it I'm supposed to do?"
"What is it I'm supposed to do" is my recurring theme of this summer. (Sidenote: do you remember when you had to choose a theme of chapter books you read in high school?) Who am I supposed to talk to? What am I supposed to do - which is a question for specific moments- what project first, what needs to be bought now and what can wait, what needs to be done today, tomorrow, next week?
And while I'm thinking these things and asking "What am I supposed to do" I have a thought like: "maybe I could give a garden book to the house I can see from the center's upstairs window (which has some potted flowers in the backyard)". Other thoughts: Maybe I can bring one of the older kids to the center and find some arbitrary volunteer work; maybe I could buy popsicles and sit on the front step and wait until the kids inevitably ask me for them; maybe I could buy coffee for a neighbor - someone - anyone.
And call me a complete idiot (which you can because I locked the only set of keys in the car today - you can ask me how much that cost me later) but I finally figured out who is telling me these things.
Continuing to pray about the community or my job, in a way, would be more harmful than helpful. I have a clear PO now. I have specific tasks that need to be done. Of course I will continue to pray but it won't be 'What is it I am supposed to do?'- because I am clearly being told the specifics - it will be more about the where's and when's. I know a few things, at least, that I am supposed to do.
While walking home from the gym I heard this from a song:
"Difficulty is an excuse that history never accepts" - K'naan.
Which makes me smile.